Without Love we are Nothing…

Without Love we are Nothing…but where we get love, is what we are yet to explore!

This wasn’t the journey I had foreseen when I looked into my future as a little girl. I did not see the obstacles that lay before me, nor the challenges that I would face. I guess you could say I lived in my own bubble, I made choices but didn’t really understand the consequences.

Sometimes I find myself day-dreaming about the ‘mistakes’ I think I have made. Replaying what happened and what didn’t happen, sometimes over and over again, thinking if I had only done ‘XYZ’ differently, I would have had a different outcome. The thing about that is… Continue reading “Without Love we are Nothing…”

‘Grow the Flowers’…Pluck the Weeds.

Something I have learned in life is that your circle of friends are very important. My mother use to always say ‘Show me your friends and I’ll show you your character’. As we walk our journey we meet people along the way. It’s funny as we never pay attention to red flags or warnings when we are thinking of friends. Most people never assess if we need our armour on or not, when making friends that is. It isn’t a boyfriend-girlfriend type of situation is it, right? However as I emerge into my thirties, I can easily reflect on different periods of my life where the people and company I have chosen to keep, maybe where not right for me or my character.

Previously I have said I am 32 years old, but actually I am 32 years young! Because if I have learnt anything so far, is that what you think you know you don’t really know. Life is an ever evolving learning curve and each chapter of your life, opens new learnt experiences! As we walk through this journey, the people we keep around us may exert great influence. Some of us are strong and know who we are, but others, well we need a little help and support. If we choose the ‘weeds’ then their influence can be soul destroying.

My moto is ‘Be Careful of the Weeds but Grow the Flowers’. Anyone who knows me personally knows I invest in my friendships. They are my extended family. They are my support network, my laugh or cry type of company. My Peoples, My Peeps! I’m transparent! I wear my feelings on my sleeves, but I am also highly sensitive. Strong and confident.

I have great friends, but I have also met some unpleasant people, for which our time together was but for a season. Sometimes these seasons have been meaningful to teach me a lesson, however other times they have been self-destructive. People pray on the meek and at times, during, my growth I have been naive and vulnerable to others. For someone like me, it has caused some deep wounds. I absorb the world. I have done so since I was a child. I feel other people’s pain and I make their battles my own. Now there is nothing wrong with these qualities, demonstrated in the right way, and for the right friends. But I am now more experienced and mindful about whom I extend such care towards in such an intimate way. I guard my home and my heart.

Grow your flowers and know who they are. Sometimes we misplace our trust and sometimes we cast aside those that will be your closes friend. It can sometimes be easier to walk away, but it harder to build. Your foundation in life, will set the tone for the infrastructure you build. Friends are like flowers. They need water and shade. Don’t believe what you see on TV, this throw away generation. The lack of loyalty and commitment. Your journey ahead may already have a few challenges, and trust me when I say, it will be those that are around you, whom will help you get through!

#NakedEmotions #MayoandFries 

All Contents Copyright © 2016

Loving Yourself and Fight the Pattern!

Loving Myself and Fighting My Pattern…

Sitting at my desk, normally bright eyed and bubbly, I am haunted with the idea of regret. The ideas of yesterday and the longing for what has already come to past. I know that this isn’t a place that one should live, nor reside in for long, as we all know, we cannot change what has come to past. However I can’t help but feel a sense of let down by myself. That feeling that I didn’t do all that I know I am capable of. This makes me feel empty and hollow inside.

Knowing that time stands still for no-one, I fear that today and tomorrow this feeling will remain. What a waste of life, if I don’t fulfill my potential. All that I know I can achieve. I mean, have you ever had that feeling that overwhelms, that you know you are capable of so much more, but still you remain in this circle of repetitive existence. Work, home, friends, and family. Over and over again. Now normally I would relish this and don’t get me wrong, I love it secretly, but I also long for that excitement. The adventure of life. Walking on the edge.

love yourself heart

Hmm…

Is this me feeling a little old?

Is this me, missing my youth or at least that feeling of not having to take life seriously?

Maybe it’s a sign I am not living or at least I have become a bit complacence. I know this feeling stems from somewhere and I HATE IT. This means I need to bring change. I need to bring my A-Game! I know that there is so much life to still live. Maybe my years before were so drained I have forgotten that inner joy within me. The one that bursts with life and adrenaline.

I guess this is also why I started my blog. I want to do things differently. I know I struggle with consistency and commitment to see things through. I often pick up new fads and find myself switching between things. I have previously been a serial job hopper and generally find it hard to stay rooted. I have moved more than twenty times in my life and FOUR times in the last FIVE years. Life has thrown me some unbalance but I guess I need to focus on staying grounded in the midst of turbulence. I know within me there is greatness. You may not see it immediately, but I know deep down inside the core of my soul that I am not living to my full potential. I am existing and not utilising the gifts and blessings I have been granted with. I want more but not because I am materialistic or desire monetary rewards, but that feeling of completion! Like I feel a sense of satisfaction, that I have completed a task and met myself! I have Met Myself!!!

love yourself words

I recently started running and I actually love it. I don’t know why or how that even happened, as I previously loathed such a task. But I guess running has given me that space to be free in my own thoughts, and to also push myself beyond my limits. I started in January and love it but have had some setbacks. I can be lazy and I have lost focus. I also have a back injury so do have to take it easy. But I hear myself shout excuses! Excuses!!! Wake your ass up and go runI haven’t run for a month and half…first it was my back as I triggered my slipped disc, so I had to rest it and now it’s just me, letting me down! My back is back to normal or as normal as it can be, and I still haven’t put on my running shoes!

Now I know it isn’t that big of a deal really. Just get back out there with your running shoes I hear you say. But for me it is A BIG DEAL…this is what I do. I just lose focus. I start with so much drive and then I slip. However this is where the change will come, MUST COME. I am aware of it! I am. So tomorrow I will wake up and put on those running shoes! I will run because in doing so I am meeting myself and challenging my cycle of pattern. I will show myself that I can be more. I can be committed. I can see it through. I can break this pattern of behavior I have developed since teenage-hood. This throw away lifestyle! This is me meeting myself as silly and  as strange as it may seem. I won’t torture myself with regret and disappointment because I fell off course! No! Not anymore. I am amazing and I have the potential!love yourself

I will walk, I will run and I will see it through. I have this habit of beating me up. Beating myself up to the point there is nothing left. I don’t fear others but fear myself. I am my own critic. I am the one who will destroy all that is good…within me. I wasn’t taught to see the good in myself, so I am teaching me now. I am teaching me, how to love myself. Slowly and intimately, I take sip after sip, feeding love into my life. Positive complements. I acknowledge the negative thoughts. I can’t not, but I am trying to process them. Process the disappointment and understand where it comes from. Why do I…dare I say it…hate me sometimes. Hate who I am… maybe because I haven’t learnt to love me and to also embrace me, when I fall down rather than repetitively bash myself for the fall. It’s a hard stance and hard journey to say the least.

We develop these patterns of behavior and to change them is a massive challenge. I find it sometimes too much, but I am determined. So until next time, pray for me, cheer for me and for all those souls that have been damaged on the way up and need peace, love and encouragement. Be good to those around you, as you don’t know behind that smile or those eyes the demons they are fighting internally, let alone externally.

#NakedEmotions #MayoandFries 

All Contents Copyright © 2016

I Know I Love You…

I Know I Love You…

I Know I Love You…

The issue is that loving you, may mean I am not loving myself! How do I ensure I have a balance?

This is my question right now and general reflection on love over the years. Having sat with myself and many of my friends, it has made me ponder on the idea of Live and how we Love ourselves first.

Have you ever been in a relation that sometimes feels like a losing game? You love that person, but they don’t even reciprocate the feeling. Or they do, but it is so selfish and unhealthy, it doesn’t appear to be love? Can it be love? Hmmm…I guess that is the question at hand. How can we love someone, who doesn’t love us back? Doesn’t love require that person to acknowledge you, respect you, and appreciate you? To understand how they hurt you. Some of the biggest musical hits sold, are those that sing of love-lost and heartache! Many of us relate to these feelings. Is it then that the biggest question we have to ask therefore, is how much do we really love ourselves, when loving someone is hurting who we are?

I have been in a relation for 32 years. 32 years! That’s a long time to be with someone. It’s a long time to know that person’s darkest secrets and biggest fears. A long time to grow to love that person and value their very authentic beauty. But within that 32 year period, I feel like I haven’t learnt a thing. I mean I have, but I’m once again at the start of a fresh relationship with this person. I am learning to love this person again! I am waking up, with tears of anger, tears of joy and a silent smile of grief and happiness all at the same time. A confusing experience one might say?

I want to live with this person in a peaceful bliss.  I want to appreciate this person like fine wine or good home cooking! I want to see more than outward beauty. I want to kiss the scars and heal the wounds, carry the weight and transmit positive energy.

I am 32 years old! Me…I am 32 years old and have been in a relationship with myself since the day I was born into this world. What is so crazy about this however, is I don’t think I have actually taken time to appreciate this relationship. To sit in silence and listen to my own breath. To see my reflection, but really see me. To be kind and forgiving, loving and authentic, to myself. It’s difficult…we don’t want to be seen as selfish or self-centred. Egotistical or even arrogant. But whom do I live with? Whose shadow do I see every day? Myself.

I am 32 years young and I have decided to start a relationship with myself. I want to dance and not care who is looking! It is all about me…I have spent most of my early adult life, looking for the world to validate me. My insecurities, my fears, my need to feel a sense of belonging. I am not alone in this. I have met a whole range of people who display the same needs, but they present them in different ways. Some of them are not even aware that they have this need. Self-harming daily, in our daily actions, relations, jobs and so forth. Making bad choices in people and surroundings, because we haven’t fallen in love with ourselves in an authentic way or acknowledged why we are behaving the way we are.

I know I keep mentioning this word ‘Authentic’ right? But what does that mean?  It’s funny…in my ‘Grow Your Flowers’ Post, I talk about friends and it was actually one of my girlfriends that first really highlighted this word to me, in the context that I now use it.

Authentic. Authentic defined by Dictionary.com is ‘representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified’. Yes this word has a few other definitions, depending on the nature in which you use the word, but in relation to what I mean, it’s about being true to yourself.

Life…it’s so interesting. One minute you can literally feel like you are drowning, almost dying inside and the next, you are on cloud nine. The beautiful thing about life, it is like fine wine. You only start to get hindsight and even foresight as you experience more of it. As you bask in your success and your failures! You feel your tears and taste their salt, you bandage that wound and stitch that cut! You smile so hard you feel like your face will crack and laugh so much, you can’t breathe. That’s life. And life brings experience and experience brings growth and growth brings love. So my question is how can you love someone, when they don’t love you back? Is it really love?

They say love doesn’t hurt but that is a lie. Love can hurt and at times will hurt, but I don’t believe love should remain hurting. It isn’t a feeling that one should continue to experience. Yes, love can hurt, when we are disappointed and let down. But it should not be a living feeling. It should not be given life, or air! Experiencing more pain than joy isn’t love. That isn’t living! Do you love yourself because if you did, then why are you sad? Why are you feeling pain regularly? Why are you hurting inside? Why are you living in your shadow? Imagine you invested the same amount of time you have spent in those negative relations, investing in loving yourself. That’s a beautiful picture. Energy is a living thing and we transfer it to one another. If someone isn’t loving you in a healthy way, then why are you transferring energy with them? It’s draining.

No-one was put on this earth to validate you other than God. Our parents were meant to uplift us and teach us how to love and self-heal. Our parents are our foundation in most cases and much of what we mimic and see in our own lives, is a reflection of what we saw in theirs. However it doesn’t always mean they got it right.  The other day I had lunch with a friend and her dad, and in my self-distress, I confessed, I felt there was something wrong with me. I have not always had great success in my boyfriend-girlfriend relationships (not friendships) and even now, like many there are ups and down’s. My friend’s dad stopped me in my tears, and spoke so confidently and said ‘No, There isn’t a single thing wrong with you, what is wrong is the training you received!’ I was silenced…

Many of us for whatever reasons have grown in dysfunction. Now that isn’t to knock our parents again as I said, I am sure they did their best. But sometimes even when we do our best, we still make mistakes. As a result, many of us grow up, not knowing how to self-heal, self-soothe, self-love and most importantly know self-worth. Many of us are crashing into others whom just like us, have had the wrong training and therefore sometimes as a result we end up making a right mess!

I am 32 years young and I have decided to reinvest my time in myself. Not because I am selfish or arrogant or egotistical. No…I have decided that as part of my self-preservation I will love me first always so I can love others better. I will know when I need to say yes and no, and how to reason and be rational.

For me, I have been very fortunate, that I have some amazing friends. My inner circle is secure and supportive, feeding each other in intimate ways.  But the most important relationship, other than the one I have with God, is the one I have with myself. Even in a relationship, we can not fully give, unless we are in-love with ourselves. I therefore encourage you to take time, to nurture you. You are a whole person and not incomplete. You may have made mistakes and fallen down. Dust yourself off and get back on that bike.

You are amazing and do not need anyone else to confirm that or validate it, without knowing it yourself.  False confidence and ego will shatter in the storm. Build who you are and know what you are worthy. Love yourself first always so you can transmit positive, healthy love. Then you will know true love in all it’s beauty. You will feel a re-injection in yourself and if you are in a relationship with your partner, once you both love yourselves from a healthy place.

#NakedEmotions ~MayoandFries 

All Contents Copyright © 2016