Can you believe it. What an epic journey thus far. Its the beginning of a new time for me. Not a New Year resolution, but actually a journey to self-discovery, self-healing and self-reflection. Most importantly however, it’s the start of IMPLEMENTATION!
See we can all make these New Year Resolutions, and to be honest many of us have good intentions. This year has to be different I have decided. It’s not really an option but more a mandatory requirement.
I am now a 32 Year Old Women! hmmm… even saying it like that feels a bit overwhelming. Gone is the teenage girl whom was lost and self-destructive, then the determined self-motivator! Gone is the girl whom self-tortured over and over again, my own mental state of expectations. This year has to be different! It must as I can no longer survive on the template I have already demonstrated numerous times.
I often hear myself say ‘wow why is life really this hard?’ and it’s not that it’s always hard but I have decided it is because I have lacked the tools. I want the path to a new enlightenment, one where I am not self-destructing, or feeling inadequate, one where self-love is the key to my heart. So this blog is a about recording my journey, the tears, the happiness, and the learning process I will seek to explore in pursuit of self-actualization.
I am currently hooked on James Bay, Hold Back the River! I love the build up of the melody. The simplistic start to the instruments. One would assume he is talking about a female. But take the lyrics and transform them. This song could be about anything. For me this song is screaming out, how I have tried to keep myself in
control, I have tried to control LIFE! Interesting, as life CANNOT be controlled! Life just Happens!
‘Hold back the river let me look in your eyes!’
Let me stare life in the face, my fears in the face, my ups and my downs in the face, my self-destruction, my self-pleasing, my imperfections! We all have it. I am an idealistic person and as a result self-failure in my eyes it’s VERY difficult for me to process. As I take you through my mind and my journey in this thing called life, you can form your own opinion, but know I am a harsh critic of myself and generous with others!
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